"Grief & Relief "
Written By: (Empress) Queen Versatile
Orig. Written On: February 22, 2024, Thursday
I eat to fulfill my desires for you! I don't know how long I can go before gainin' weight! This is the honest truth! I only have affection for you! It wouldn't do justice if I went out to attempt to fulfill my desires with another! No one has yo' traits, yo' qualities!
My heart is fixed! It's stable for the race! Promise you & I will always come out first place! I'm glad you focus on my soul, than me gainin' weight! My weight fluctuate but my soul quality is a constant!
I'm tired of battlin' these feelin's that I hold within! I can't eat them away! I can't silence them! They won't go to sleep! They lie dormant! My soul is in limbo when I'm not wit' you! The agony! The frustration! I wish it would all fade away! But every moment I'm without you, I'm depress!
I try to hold it together in the face of adversities! Pretendin' I'm okay when the pain won't go away! My ego can let go what my soul can't comprehend! I know it's suppose to be the opposite but it's not! I'm distraught when we are apart!
Past life memories are still present! In this life I'm tryin' to focus on what's relevant! But all the timelines are runnin' neck-and-neck, together from the past to the future! All we have is now, in the present! Past memories I'm tryin' to forget! I can't let go so they stay current!
I have the memories in yo' absence but it doesn't fill the void! I'm in pain!; I'm drownin' in grief! You don't care as long as you stay single! You afraid of love, prosperity, and abundance!; That's all I have to offer!
Sometimes it's not enough for certain people! I'm startin' to lose faith! It's dwindlin' daily! Every moment seems like forever! You bein' away it makes my soul cry!
At times I wonder why we departed! But in time I know everything will make sense! If not this lifetime then in another incarnation! When I'm wit' you, you make my soul come alive! When we're not together I'm just eatin' to survive! I'm in a catch 22!
Sometimes I wonder if I'll be too big for you! But once we're together it's no problem wit' losin'! I would rather eat food than entertain the thought of another dude! I won't look outside of me just to falsely feel full! I would rather stay faithful & do what I got to do, to keep my energy & frequency pure!
I would never sacrifice & place you on the choppin' block just to fill a temporary longing! The root cause is bein' separated from you! I try healthy ways to cope but it's all insufficient! I don't know at this point! I guess I'll be happy wit' self! If you accept me, if you don't-just know I was faithful every step!
I even sacrificed & gained unwanted weight to be faithful! But there's still a hole in me that I can't fill! I've tried almost everything! But you hit the nail on the head everytime I'm in yo' presence! I've never felt so content wit' anyone in my life! When I look into yo' eyes I see the missin' piece that's priceless! That's why all copin' mechanisms were unsuccessful!
If I can't have you then I can't have breath! Bein' without you is suffocatin' me to death! Why did our soul have to split? I've been in despair every since! I just want to feel whole again! Is that too much to commence?
I'm Heaven sent but now I'm hell bent! Right now it's just an adverb & adjective to describe the state of bein' that I'm in! When will this hell ever end? Sometimes I want to give up on this spiritual journey! Because it feels like everybody else wins while I'm losin'!
My heart's desires always seems like a figment of my imagination! I do everything to keep a high vibration! I should be able to manifest anything in love! But when I try all I get is the opposite! My pain causes me to self-sabotage! I don't use excuses!; I accept responsibilities!
I just use food to cover up my pain, the agony! I know the sh!+ don't work! It's only temporarily! But that's all I need is temporary relief! Cause permanent relief is just for my imagination!
It seems that I live in self-delusion! Hopin' & tellin' myself that everything will get better but as the days go by, they get worst! At this point I don't know what to do! But use food to help me get through! I'm very self-aware but that don't cure the sufferin's & grief! It seems like all this was attached to me at birth!
I never learned how to walk! I can crawl & take a stand & that's it! I've never learned how to walk throughout life! At this point people runnin' is fascinating! I'll continue to watch from the sideline in grief!
Don't mistaken it, I don't want no one's pity! I'm simply just venting!
Vent-Can You Relate?
Meditate & Pray...Not Pr(e)y!!!
Written By Author/Writer: Empress Queen Versatile from ventcanyourelate.com
w/Love, Joy, & Peace(Shalom)!!!
